Not Alone Anymore
by May Glenn
Summary: One-shot fixit tag to 5x13, co-written with Caitydid. Modern AU (sort of). Merlin and Gwaine deal with their feels at Morgana's Christmas party. Bro moments all around and happy endings.


_**AN:** Co-written with Caitydid after watching 5x13. Technically, we started writing this before we'd seen the 2-part finale, where it was "AU"...but thanks to the final seconds of the show, it's now oddly canon (?). Necessary because Gwaine deserved better._

_**Warning:** Spoilers to 5x13, strong language. Also, it starts off fluffy and silly and gets downright serious at the end. _

_Don't mind us, just dealing with our feels. Happy endings all around. _

...

Morgana really threw the best parties.

Arthur had invited Gwaine, as he'd invited Percy and Leon and Elyan and the entire football team, much to Morgana's simultaneous delight and dismay, because she was confusing like that. This also meant that Merlin, their token nerd, was dragged along like a mascot by implication.

Gwaine grabbed another beer and headed for Merlin, who sat nervously giggling at the jokes of someone he didn't know and looking thoroughly out of place. Deciding Merlin needed rescuing, he burst in on the conversation with a sufficiently raunchy joke and once he'd set them laughing, he guided Merlin away. "Here, have another. You look too uptight," he said, passing Merlin the beer.

Merlin always found Morgana's parties bewildering. He wasn't very good at conversing with people he didn't know, and they were usually a majority of the people at Morgana's parties. So he'd sit and talk to whoever talked to him, and try to think of things to say that had nothing to do with computers, or math, or anything else nerdy (or magic, he would never mention that. Talk about getting hauled off by men in white coats...). He was actually glad to be interrupted in the latest of a line of awkward conversations by Gwaine. Though he took the beer, he didn't immediately drink any of it. Instead, he grinned in reply and shook his head. "I don't know what to say to them! They don't want to hear about computers and stuff, right? It's awkward... I hate it," he admitted.

"God, you're adorable," Gwaine said, slinging an arm around Merlin's shoulder companionably. "Hey, let's go turn on a movie. I'm sick of the crowd, too," he explained, guiding Merlin away from the more active parts of the party. "Maybe Perce'll join us so it looks less gay." He paused, took a swig of beer, and shrugged. "Or more gay." He winked at Merlin and wandered upstairs to the den.

"Can we watch _Avengers_? I like that one. There's almost magic," he said. Actually, there was magic. The bad guy did magic, but that seemed to be a trend, with bad guys. It was never the good guys. "Or _Legend_? Oh, but it has unicorns..." he trailed off. He wasn't sure he liked unicorns. "I guess I don't care what we watch. Have you actually seen Perce? I don't know where he's gone," Merlin added as he followed Gwaine up to the den. He went and fiddled with the Blu-ray player without even being asked to do so. By the time he was done with it, it was ready to play whatever they chose in full surround sound HD, in 3D if they wore the goofy glasses Arthur had once bought and left at Morgana's just for watching movies. It'd irritated Morgana no end, but she also hadn't thrown the glasses out. "Alright, pick a movie," he said, finally.

"Percy's probably swarmed by a crowd of girls keen on his virtue and needs an excuse to escape. I'll text him," Gwaine said, also copying Leon and Elyan to the SMS on his mobile, though they generally liked these sorts of parties and he didn't expect them to show. Gwaine sniffed over Morgana's collection of films. "Yeah, _Avengers_, sounds good." Maybe if he got Merlin comfy here, and got bored (not that he expected to get bored, really, because he basically wanted to fuck every member of the fucking cast of that film) he'd go see how drunk Morgana was and try his hand at getting lucky. But he didn't expect that to go well either. Not like last time.

He knelt down to look at the controls, the 12 remotes, and the—

"No, you know what? Here, you deal with this, boy genius." Gwaine said, tossing the Blu-ray remote at Merlin (who missed catching it).

"I can't believe she even has this one..." Merlin said, digging through the movies and pulling out _The Avengers_. "Then again..." Okay, so their hostess might have shared certain traits in common with a certain evil mastermind. He watched Gwaine try to figure out the Blu-ray and its associated remotes: one for the TV, one for the player, one for the sound system, several that were utterly unrelated. Of course, then one appeared to be flying at his face. He was, unfortunately, holding a beer. He nearly threw the thing, but instead just let the remote smack him in the chest."Ow, really? Throwing things at me? That's Arthur's job..." he whined, then took the correct remote and made the disc play. The machine whirred to life and Merlin grinned."You know, maybe you should learn how to deal with this complicated contraption someday, Gwaine. Probably be good for you," he laughed as he dropped to the couch.

"This isn't even a Christmas movie," Gwaine complained, mainly because he could. "We should be watching _Diehard_." He leaned back on the sofa and put his feet on the coffee table (he almost _wanted_ Morgana's spidey sense to tell her he was disobeying her orders about the furniture, maybe then she'd come in and _punish_ him, ooh yes).

"You would choose _Diehard_," Merlin muttered, turning the volume up so they could hear over Gwaine's chattering, but not asking his friend to be quiet. But they hadn't got through the trailers yet before the door snapped open and Percival pushed inside, looking a little afraid, and

shut it behind him.

"Where's the fire, lad?" Gwaine laughed. Percival rolled his eyes. "I told them I had to go to the loo. Do you know the kind of harpies Morgana keeps around?"

"I do, actually," Gwaine said lecherously. "Just wanted to pull the six-footer out of the game so I have a bloody chance out there. Sit down. And stay here. Merlin will guard your virginity with his magic nerd powers." Merlin paused the movie and glanced up at Percival, grinning as Gwaine stood up.

"Oh no, you don't. You just stay here and watch the movie," Merlin said as Gwaine gave up his seat, grabbing his friend's sleeve and knocking him off balance so he had to sit back down on the couch. "You'll be disappointed to find I have no magic nerd powers, sorry. I'm pretty sure if I tried to chase the girls off they'd just laugh and remove me from the situation," he said to Percy, and hit 'Play'. They'd just made it through the part where Black Widow beat up a bunch of Russians when Elyan slipped through the door.

"Oh, _Avengers_? Did you let Merlin pick the movie again?" he asked with a laugh as Merlin rolled his eyes.

Gwaine _juuuust_ managed to drag his eyes from the screen as Scarlett Johannson walked off carrying her shoes.

"God, you know I even want to shag _him_?" Gwaine said, jabbing his finger at Phil Coulson who was onscreen. "This fucking movie, man. Oooh, ooh. Pepper and Iron Man. Love to be in the middle of that sandwich."

"Okay, are you guys watching porn or a movie?" Elyan said skeptically, walking up behind them and leaning on the couch.

"What's _wrong_ with you? I don't watch porn with other guys," Gwaine said, and flipped over the back of the couch. "Here, look, you sit there. I'm gonna go...get drunk and make a mistake."

"Like trying Morgana again?" Elyan laughed. "Please, I don't want to take you to hospital again, mate."

"Grab me some eggnog on your way back?" Percival asked, tilting his head back.

"Oh, fine," Gwaine said, deciding he _did_ very much want to be here and planning (probably) to come back. "It's a good thing you're cute," he added, running his hand over Percy's spiky hair. "Merlin? How you doing on that beer, lightweight?"

"I'm fine," Merlin answered easily, looking at his half-of-a-beer. It would get warm before he finished the rest of it, he had no doubt. That always seemed to happen. "Also? I really didn't need to hear all of that," he added, to Gwaine, although his glance included Elyan, for egging Gwaine on. That was also becoming a regular occurrence. "And don't start any fights!" he added as Gwaine wandered off. Under his breath, he added, "Again..." and Percy, who seemed to be the only one who heard him, chuckled.

The only fight Gwaine managed to start (and not for lack of trying) was with Lancelot, who insisted he couldn't carry two overly-full glasses of eggnog and two beers by his own damn self and, magnanimous as always, demanded he accompany him upstairs to help. "Fine," Gwaine snorted, since this altercation kept him from approaching Morgana. "But you get your own damn beer, because these are mine," he said, leading the way up the stairs. "We're watching a film, by the way," he offered, though, the fight immediately forgotten about. "If you want to stay." And, as he pushed through the door: "Look what I found! Lancey's joining us!" he said, before Lancelot had, in fact, committed.

Merlin grinned brightly as Gwaine returned, with Lancelot tagging along behind. "Is Morgana going to wonder where we've all gone? Or is she too busy... I don't know. Partying? Do I want to know what Morgana is up to?" he asked, noted that Gwaine was about to speak, and added, "Don't answer that. It was rhetorical." He elbowed Percy, who was taking up most of the couch with his elbows, and managed to make some room for another person. "I um... I think we need a chair. Or two?" he asked, because in his experience, where one of his friends appeared, all of them were likely to follow. "Maybe three."

"Oh screw that, I'm not going to get any chairs," Gwaine said, crawling on top of the line of legs and managing to spread his weight evenly over the most of them, except his head was propped up by Percival's elbow. "I brought you eggnog, so you're my pillow," he said, sipping at his own cup of eggnog. Percival coughed. "How much whiskey did you put in this?" he asked, and Gwaine grinned but did not reply as the movie continued to run. Elyan was tying Gwaine's shoelaces together, which Gwaine hoped he'd remember before he tried getting up again whenever that happened (though he was surprisingly comfy here).

"Hello?" came a polite knock at the door, and Leon's ginger head appeared. "There you all are. Arthur was wondering."

"We're hiding," Gwaine told him.

"It's an elaborate game of Sardines, apparently," Lancelot laughed.

Merlin found himself stuck where he was sitting by dint of Gwaine sprawling out over everyone on the couch. Which sort of figured, but he helped Elyan tie Gwaine's laces together anyway, laughing the whole time. So he was maybe a little easily amused. Also maybe a little bit buzzed.

"Hi, Leon!" he added after Lancelot's interpretation of what was going on.

"We're actually watching a movie. Sort of. Loki just made Hawkeye turn _evil_!" he stated, pointing at the screen. With magic, but whatever, it was still a good movie. Leon looked over at the movie and brought over not one, but two chairs. When the others arched eyebrows at him, he only smiled.

"I'm sure Arthur will show up when he's done arguing with Morgana about whatever he's arguing with Morgana about," he said, dropping to sprawl in his own chair.

"Oh, great! That'll be my cue to leave!" Gwaine said, but he really was quite comfortable here, and had switched out his eggnog for the whatever numbered beer. "Or maybe I'll never move again. You guys are cool if I sleep on you, right?" he said, and Percival tugged his hair.

"I think I could do better," Percival said.

"If you fall asleep, I'm encouraging Percy to write on your face with a permanent marker. So yeah, it's totally cool if you want to sleep here," Merlin laughed, and Percival frowned slightly.

"But we don't have a marker..." he said. Merlin shrugged. That was only a minor handicap.

"There's one in my bag near the front door, and I bet if we ask really nicely, Leon will get it if we need it. Right, Leon?" Merlin asked.

Leon smiled and then tried to be the mature one. "I'm not sure I want to contribute to anything like the start of a prank war between the three of you," he said. He then ruined all pretense at being the responsible adult by laughing. "But it might be worth it."

"You think this is my first rodeo?" Gwaine chuckled, nestling his head further back between Percival's and Merlin's arms. "Wait til you wake up with toothpaste in your leg hair, then we'll talk prank wars."

"I'll put food coloring in your shampoo bottle," Merlin retorted, and on his other side, Elyan snorted. "Nah, not food coloring. Nair. Gwaine would _die_ if all his hair fell out," he said when Merlin looked at him. The thought of Gwaine suddenly becoming bald was both too mean and too hilarious, so Merlin was torn between denying he'd ever actually pull such a prank and laughing himself stupid. Percival had no such qualms, and laughed harder than Merlin had seen him laugh maybe ever. Even Leon looked amused. Lancelot just looked completely horrified, but then, he was almost obsessive about his hair as Gwaine, so that made sense.

"This sounds like a horrible idea. Just... no. Horrible, horrible idea," Merlin finally said. But the food coloring would be funny. Turn Gwaine's hair a ridiculous color for a few days? He could even use magic and blame it on food coloring with no one (except Gwaine and Lancelot) the wiser. "Hey Gwaine, what would you do if your hair was purple?" he asked.

"Still pull more chicks than all you combined," Gwaine grumbled, somewhat offput by the threat of baldness (though according to many of the women he'd known in his time, hair removal products like Nair did not actually work well enough to make him bald).

At that moment, Arthur came in. "What on _earth_ are you all doing up here? The party's down there!"

"We're watching _Avengers_! It's more fun than the party downstairs," Merlin answered, and Arthur looked at him.

"Yeah, Merlin, parties are more fun if you actually talk to people..." he said, and Merlin turned red.

"I was talking to people!" he said, and Arthur just rolled his eyes as he went and sat in the seat Leon had pulled over for him.

"You started talking about computers again, didn't you? Honestly, _Mer_lin, you'd think you'd know something about talking to people, to girls, even, as much as you hang around with Gwaine," Arthur said. This prompted Merlin to look between his two friends with a put-out frown, movie temporarily forgotten.

"I know how to talk to girls..." he tried to say, but the second he started speaking, Arthur figured out what he was about to say and started laughing. Gwaine stuck out his fist for Arthur to bro-fist him, and Arthur, in a good humor apparently, obliged.

"Oh, I like this movie," Arthur said. "Well sit down, then," Gwaine told him. "We'll go back out once the tossers go home and the after-party starts properly. That's when the good stuff is on, Merlin," Gwaine said, patting Merlin's bony knee. "The after-party. Fewer people, everyone politely inebriated and bloody hardcore."

"We're not politely inebriated," Merlin stated, which was a ridiculous thing to say. They could always get politely inebriated. It'd take all of the other half of this beer, in his case. "And just because there are fewer people doesn't mean they want to talk to me. And then Morgana will have more opportunity to just stand there and glare at me," he added. Arthur, true to form, considered these complaints for no more than three seconds.

"Stop being such a girl, Merlin," he said, and grinned. Merlin made a face at him, dodged a pillow, hurled it back, and then the game was ruined by Leon's interceding to catch the projectile and stow it under his chair before returning to watching the movie as innocently as if he'd done nothing. Merlin and Arthur both stared at him.

"Who's your favorite Avenger?" Merlin finally asked the room at large, when everyone had watched the movie in companionable silence for several minutes. Gwaine pondered for all of zero seconds before blurting out, "Thor. I want to lick his beard. But in a pinch I'd take Black Widow. Second thought, Black Widow. She seduces people for work. That's like, I'd be awesome at that," he laughed, taking a pull of his beer.

"Hawkeye, then," Elyan said. "Then I get to have sex with Gwaine."

"I'm flattered," Gwaine said.

"I think Merlin asked who your favorite was, not who you'd like to be," Lancelot corrected. "And I'd have to say Captain America. He's the only one without an ego the size of a planet."

"I'm with Lance, Cap's the best," Percival chimed in.

Merlin snorted, tapping some random rhythm on Gwaine's shin as he thought. "Well, but what about Bruce? That guy has no ego, either. And he has all that cool science stuff," he said, and received five identical looks of mild amusement. "He'd be a good footballer... Shouldn't that make you guys like him?" Merlin asked.

"Right, if he didn't just pummel everyone on the team into a fine powder!" Elyan said, and everyone else seemed to agree, since there were nods all around. "But... but science!" Merlin said indignantly. It was even really cool science!

"You're a nerd, Merlin," Arthur informed him.

"Yeah, see if I ever help you pass math class again," Merlin answered, which shut Arthur right up.

"Note he goes for the loser smart guy. How about Tony Stark?" Gwaine offered.

"Tony Stark is obnoxious, I'd kill him if I ever met him," Merlin replied without even really having to think about it. The guy had the coolest tech, but he was an ass. "Tell me honestly that you wouldn't kill the guy too, Gwaine."

Gwaine shrugged in reply. "Depends how good his liquor cabinet is. I'm easy."

"Well, it can't be that bad, if an Asgardian asks for a drink from it. Although, I think he was just stalling for time," Merlin answered. The movie went on quietly for a total of five minutes before Elyan and Percival started bickering, at which point Leon felt the need to ask them very politely to hush. It was less than effective.

"Would you all _please_ be quiet?" Lancelot finally said, standing in front of the screen so no one could see it. Percival threw an ice cube at him and Elyan shouted, "Down in front!" but everyone finally managed to shut up, and before very long, almost everyone was yawning.

Pretty soon, they began to drift off, one by one. Arthur had moved to the floor after stealing a pillow from behind Merlin, and Leon leaned back in the office chair, propping his feet on the table next to him. Lancelot was snoring softly, and Elyan mumbled something about planning on getting up to see where the party was at, but stayed put and fell asleep himself instead. Percival, warm under all the bodies, had definitely fallen asleep first, but the search for a Sharpie had been unenthusiastic and short-lived, and Merlin had turned down the volume on the film.

_The Avengers_ were eating shawarma.

"So...I died?" Gwaine asked, all of a sudden. It wasn't a new story, but Gwaine liked hearing it. It was kind of cool thinking he was once a knight, rescuing maidens, riding horses, jousting, even if it ended badly. Even if he wasn't sure Merlin wasn't a bit mental.

Merlin, half asleep surrounded by all his friends, didn't understand Gwaine's out-of-the-blue question. "Huh?" he asked, before his ears caught up with his brain. Then he frowned. "Um, yeah. You did. And Arthur," he said quietly, so as not to wake the others. It wasn't his favorite topic of discussion, but Gwaine seemed to like hearing about the distant past. There had been a lot of years of no best friend in between past and present, so Merlin didn't mind rehashing this whole thing as much as he might've.

Gwaine patted Merlin's knee. He didn't like seeing Merlin upset, but he really wanted to know. "And Lance and Elyan, too, you said," he pressed, waiting for the You Absolutely Have To Back Off Now signs.

"Yeah, they both did. Lance died... oh, years before the rest of you. Morgana died, too, but she had it coming," Merlin said, and shook his head. He'd not known, when he'd killed Morgana, that she'd earlier killed Gwaine. He didn't find out about that until much later, when he'd gotten the story from Percival. Morgana didn't seem to remember, now, what she'd done, but he didn't especially like being around her. And there had been so very, very much he'd regretted after the whole war. "You all died eventually, of course. There was a dragon, too. He died, but Morgana wasn't the one who killed him. He tried to help me save Arthur."

"A dragon?" Gwaine grinned, glad Merlin was talking about this. Talking was good. "Brilliant," he said. A comfortable silence fell, so Gwaine asked the question he was really keen on hearing the answer to. "And you didn't tell me you had magic." He tried not to sound accusing, even if it was, sort of. It wasn't really a question, even, because Merlin had intimated it before, that he'd borne his burden of secret magic alone for all that time, and it had just made Gwaine feel sick to his stomach to hear, because it meant Merlin hadn't _trusted_ him. That was important. His throat tightened, quite without him wanting it to, so he took another sip of his very warm beer.

Among the many, many regrets that he could actually have done something about if he'd only _thought_, this was one of the worst. Maybe _the_ worst. His mistake in assuming Gwaine would be there after the war, because he was _Gwaine_, and Gwaine had always seemed to be there when he needed him to be there, since he'd met him, had haunted him for centuries. Literally, centuries, until he'd found all the knights again, and Gwaine with them. "No, I didn't," Merlin answered, watching the title screen on the TV for several breaths. "I never did. I wanted to, I remember wanting to, but..." But he hadn't. And back in that time, Gwaine had left him with luck and his own sword, and Merlin hadn't even given him the benefit of trust in return. Gwaine had died thinking Merlin hadn't trusted him, and it was even more stupid, the whole situation, because Merlin had been so certain at the time that Gwaine had known. And he still hadn't said anything.

Merlin closed his eyes briefly, trying to drag himself back to the present, his hands on Gwaine's shin tightening momentarily as if the physical sensation of touch could bring him back. And it did, gradually, after what felt like far longer than the several breaths it'd probably taken. He looked down at Gwaine, reassured that his friend was _here_, was perfectly safe and happy, and would bloody well stay that way, this time. "That's why I told you, this time, as soon as you wouldn't just think I was completely loopy." Merlin sighed shortly. "'M sorry," he said, his voice quiet because he didn't trust it to be louder without wavering.

And that was all, really. Gwaine took a deep breath that was shaking only a little bit (he was quite proud), and turning to Merlin in the blue light of the TV, he smiled, brightly: a warm, genuine, forgiving and loving smile. "'Salright," he said, and gave a little nod. "I mean, you trust me now. That's the part I care about." His smile flickered a little at that, an almost-tear forming in his eye.

That was the smile Merlin remembered, not the broken, disappointed, and betrayed one from so long ago. It was the "I got tired of playing soldier" smile from when he'd thought Gaius had been gone and Gwaine had been the only one who'd bothered to help him find his mentor. And Gwaine's forgiveness did wonders for his soul. "I did trust you, but... I was very messed up by then," he said. It hadn't occurred to him until years and years later how messed up he'd been and for how long. Just another of those many regrets. He sighed.

"But this is great, you know. I didn't think I'd ever seen all of you again, not all together. Not like this," he said, grinning an easy, silly, utterly _happy_ grin as he looked around the room at the sprawled-out football players. "You're not much different, all of you. Arthur is still bossy, and Leon is still worried about anyone getting hurt or breaking the rules, Percival still hardly talks unless he knows you," he said, and then laughed when Percival snorted in his sleep. "And he still snores. He used to keep everyone awake in camp some nights." He tapped thoughtfully on Gwaine's shin again. "I'm just... very, very glad you're all here. Even Morgana. Maybe there's hope for her yet." She was certainly less evil this time around, for which he was grateful.

Gwaine wriggled so that his head rested against Merlin's shoulder. "Hell," he said, "if there's hope for me, there's hope for anyone," he said. He wasn't sure where that came from, except maybe a long-ago _I failed_ that seemed like maybe it was from an old movie or book. But that failure was forgiven now. Or perhaps it had always been forgiven. "I'm glad we're all the same," he murmured, as sleep began to catch up to him. "And I'm glad we're here, now. I don't like the thought of you being alone."

"Well, I'm not alone, anymore, so it's all worked out," Merlin answered, and then yawned. Fate and destiny willing, he wouldn't be alone again. He'd seen enough of the world to be convinced that what they had now, this world, was the Albion Kilgarrah had always spoken of. Perhaps not the interpretation he'd originally expected, but perfect nonetheless. By the next time the menu screen music started up, Gwaine was out like a light and Merlin had shifted so he was nestled down with his head rested on Gwaine's, which was still rested on his shoulder. Percy was still snoring softly on Gwaine's other side, and Elyan was curled so his head rested on his arms on the side of the couch. Merlin turned off the blu-ray, then shut his eyes and listened to the quiet, comfortingly familiar sounds of all of his friends sleeping around him. And, reassured at all was well in the world, he drifted off soon after.

When the party was over and everyone but Gwen had left the flat in silence, Morgana realized she hadn't seen any of the football team or their tag-along nerd for hours. Stepping quietly, the two women made their way up to the den and pushed the door open. Gwen smiled; Morgana snorted softly, though it was with no real malice. They were sprawled all over the room, except the four who were sleeping in a pile on the couch like a bunch of over-tired puppies: Merlin in between Percival and Elyan, Gwaine somehow in between Merlin and Percival, with his legs stretched across Merlin and Elyan's legs. Morgana could have awakened them and sent them to their homes, but they looked content, and she had half a bottle of cheap wine and Gwen for company. It was only a shame that neither of them had their mobiles, or they'd have taken pictures. It would have been wonderful material for tormenting Arthur, although Morgana would never really do anything with it. For all that she dearly enjoyed heckling all the boys until they were going crazy (especially Gwaine), she had no desire to start WWIII. So she just shook her head, at herself or at them, she wasn't sure (Gwen was also shaking her head, but Morgana was certain it was at her) and shut the door as softly as she'd opened it, leaving them to their sleep.


End file.
